Hey dggba,
I'm going to be out of town for a friend's birthday.
Is it best to ignore said birthday and pretend that nothing happened?
If I was in town I might buy them a beer, but that's hard to do long distance.
Thanks
September in Reno
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Hi September in Reno -
First things first, SIR? I don't get it, why does your name spell SIR? I know how the advice game works, I've been doing this professionally for hella long, and those clever names you pick out are supposed to spell things. SIR? Are you a dude? If so, you should have gone with Doesn't Understand Drinking Emissaries (i had to use a thesaurus for that one...that might not even make sense, it's a lot harder to do these when you're not drunk).
Anyways, not funny jokes aside, this question gives me a perfect opportunity to rail against one of my least favorite holidays: birthdays (you're next, arbor day...). SCREW BIRTHDAYS. Where is the fun in getting a bunch of people you don't know that well to scowl at you for making them wear stupid hats and eat cheap, gross cake with melted wax on it and saliva from when you tried to blow out those stupid fucking trick candles that probably put glycerin or something on the cake as well? Fuck the cake, fuck the hats, and fuck birthdays.
Not only do i think you should NOT buy your friend a long-distance beer on his birthday, but i think you should make it a habit to constantly be out of town on your friends' birthdays (in reno too! the slots are looser and the buffets come with extra melon!). thanks for your letter SIR.
OK! now that i have that crap out of the way, i have FUCKING AWESOME news and bad, but not really that important news. first, the MIND-BLOWING GREAT news: DGGBA VOL. 1 IS NOW AVAILABLE!!!!! i know, i know, i hate caps lock too but come on! DGGBA VOL. 1! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
now the bad news. i only have six. really. six. i got annoyed with making them and i only have six right now. but they are done and they look good and i promise you i am making more as we speak (well, after i'm done typing this and probably around the time you get to reading it). so if you'd like one, ACT NOW (sorry again for caps) and i'll do what i can to either get you one that is available or make sure you get one hot off the presses (the presses being my floor). comment below, e-mail me at ihateyourartschool at gmail dot com, or, you know, call me up, bump into me at the supermarket, whatevs. the price is...
(note: that's not me)
...that means i really don't know what you should give me for one. financial donations are obviously appreciated but also obviously less appreciated than a zine of your own, a mixtape, etc, etc. or if you just ask nice, that's cool too (read: blowjob). thanks for reading everyone, keep the questions coming, and remember, FUCK BIRTHDAYS IN THEIR STUPID FUCKING FACE! take care.
heart - dave
