DGGBA: watering hole man

DGGBA stands for dave gulbis gives bad advice. according to his mother, dave gulbis also cuts a mean rug ("he's got rhythm").

dear dave,
i need some advice.

how do i meet cool chicks?

love and handjobs,
mister smooch

*******************************

dear mister smooch,

boy, you are not making my job easy. sometimes meeting people (or chicks) is hard, no matter who you are...though on the plus side, since it's winter, it might be a little easier to find some COOL chicks!! get it? because it's colder out than it normally is! it's sort of a pun, let me know if it went over your head.

but let's get serious for a minute. most people (or chicks) are attracted to those who share their interests, who like to do the same things that they enjoy. so what you need to do is find out what cool chicks enjoy, and then pretend to like the same bullshit they're into. but what do cool chicks like anyways? well, to research the topic, i grabbed my nearest issue of Vice (it's the coolest!), and came up with this list:

- inappropriately sexual advertisements for socks
- pictures of people puking
- making fun of black people
- drugs and fake breasts (but to be fair, i think most people are on this bandwagon)
- neon. wait, neon? really? neon? FUCK!
- dudes who give bad advice (really, it's in there)
- do-ing and don't-ing

there you have it MS, i'd advise you to put on your sexiest socks, head to your local watering hole (man that's a weird term, sounds like an STD), do a bunch of drugs, and puke neon on some black lady's fake breasts. I'm sure you'll meet some cool chicks in no time! Thanks for your letter.

heart - dave

DGGBA: breast tranny

DGGBA stands for dave gulbis gives bad advice. No, Google image search! I did not mean "DGGB"! What the hell is DGGB anyways???

dave gulbis,
What should I do with my pussy hairs? One guy I dated told me to never cut the hairs. Another had me wax it all off. Another liked it trim.
signed,
shave that shit?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpE43NwFcds (video might be NSFW, unless you work in a warehouse, Foot Locker, or fishing boat. basically anywhere where you can talk about eating pussy without pissing your boss off)

**************

dear shave that shit,

wow, it's not often that i'm out-crassed (or, as in elizabethan, outcrass'd). in fact, just the other day, when i was having unprotected anal sex with the guy who does the voice for grover on sesame street, i was thinking out loud, "wow, nobody's really given me a chance lately to show off how vulgar i can be. if only someone would send me a letter asking for advice on their genital maintenance, then i could really strut my stuff!" (of course, it was hard to say all of this through the ball gag, but when you've got a mouth as big as mine, you can manage)

it's an age-old question STS...shaved or unshaved? waxed or wavy? fur pie or Nair smoothie? but so often the question focuses on the puss-er and not the puss-y. How can i make him happy? (or her i guess) How can I get him off? (again, or her. or them for that matter)

but you know what? it's your pussy STS, and let's face it, you're the one who wakes up with it every morning, wipes the crust out of its eyes, and gets it warmed up and ready to start a new day. so instead of asking me what you should do with your pussy hairs, you should be asking the same question to your pussy. i think you'll be surprised at how opinionated your pussy may be on the topic. so listen up, and cherish your time alone with the most special part of your body (unless you're like me and a bit more of a breast man. or breast woman. or breast tranny, what-fucking-ever). Thanks for your letter, and thanks for talking with me about your pussy.

heart - dave