DGGBA: watering hole man

DGGBA stands for dave gulbis gives bad advice. according to his mother, dave gulbis also cuts a mean rug ("he's got rhythm").

dear dave,
i need some advice.

how do i meet cool chicks?

love and handjobs,
mister smooch

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dear mister smooch,

boy, you are not making my job easy. sometimes meeting people (or chicks) is hard, no matter who you are...though on the plus side, since it's winter, it might be a little easier to find some COOL chicks!! get it? because it's colder out than it normally is! it's sort of a pun, let me know if it went over your head.

but let's get serious for a minute. most people (or chicks) are attracted to those who share their interests, who like to do the same things that they enjoy. so what you need to do is find out what cool chicks enjoy, and then pretend to like the same bullshit they're into. but what do cool chicks like anyways? well, to research the topic, i grabbed my nearest issue of Vice (it's the coolest!), and came up with this list:

- inappropriately sexual advertisements for socks
- pictures of people puking
- making fun of black people
- drugs and fake breasts (but to be fair, i think most people are on this bandwagon)
- neon. wait, neon? really? neon? FUCK!
- dudes who give bad advice (really, it's in there)
- do-ing and don't-ing

there you have it MS, i'd advise you to put on your sexiest socks, head to your local watering hole (man that's a weird term, sounds like an STD), do a bunch of drugs, and puke neon on some black lady's fake breasts. I'm sure you'll meet some cool chicks in no time! Thanks for your letter.

heart - dave