DGGBA: eat no one

DGGBA stands for dave gulbis gives bad advice. It is also my ATM code and the password for my myspace.

Dear Dave,
A very annoying child is yelling and making faces at me through the upstairs window of the house next door to me. I think my tubes just tied themselves. Is that even possible?
Best,
val

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dear val,
while considering your question, i looked across the alley outside my bedroom window and through the partially opened blinds of my neighbors. one of my neighbors is watching sportcenter (which has WAY more special effects than is necessary. it's like i'm watching tron but there's more awkward cameltoe from baseball pants) and the other one of my neighbors just got out of the shower. he's a lot hairier than i am (no easy task) and it kind of makes me feel like less of a man. so to make up for it i downloaded some porn and tried to rub one out, but all i could see was computer generated baseballs flying out of grizzly man breasts. Needless to say, I couldn't "finish the job" (i get paid to masturbate) and if what's out of my window can stop me from ejaculating, i have to assume that what's out of your window can stop you from getting pregnant. it's like that phrase "if i don't eat, no one eats," but a LOT less appetizing.

boy, this post should make everyone pretty stoked that i'm back. i only have 2 more questions so please please please send me an e-mail at ihateyourartschool at gmail dot com. zine update: nothing to report. i've printed out paper but i'm not really that stoked on how they came out so i haven't been that enthusiastic about putting them all together. plus, they are a pain in the ass to put together. here's some good advice for people interested in making zines - keep it simple stupid (KISS - all GOOD advice has GOOD acronyms).

heart - dave