DGGBA: minor panic and/or vomiting

DGGBA stands for dave gulbis gives bad advice. dave gulbis also gives good hugs, in case you're interested.

Dear Dave,
...why did i lock myself out of my house and be forced to wear the same underpants as i did yesterday? ....and how do i prevent this in the future?
with an undying love that echoes through time,
tangerine
**************
Dear Tangerine,
i don't mean to go off on a tangent, but your letter brings up an interesting point - one that i've been meaning to address for some time. if you don't sign your name on your letters, I get to sign your name for you...and say whatever i want. so while you may or may not have signed your question to me with a promise of never-ending affection, guess what? now it's in print, and legally binding (read the patriot act).
now then, your question. i'm really not sure why you locked yourself out of your house, but judging from your willingness to disclose the fact that you're wearing the same underwear two days in a row (at least), it seems to me that you may be subconsciously afraid of clean underwear and are "accidentally" locking yourself out of your house to avoid confronting the skeltons that lie in your underwear drawer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE - i too have struggled with subropaphobia (i just made that up but it's pretty fun to say out loud - try it with an italian accent). but unless you want unsightly discolorations on your buttocks and genitals (true story), you're going to have to confront your fear and start wearing clean underwear. it can be helpful to do things you like while putting on clean underwear to help form a new, more pleasant association. for example, eat an ice cream bar while getting dressed in the morning. or, if you're watching your weight, put an adorable kitten in your underwear before you put them on - who doesn't love kittens? it will take time, but with some hard work and electro-shock therapy, you'll be able to again slip on some clean drawers with only minor panic and/or vomiting. thanks for your letter, and good luck.

heart - dave