DGGBA: paranoid weirdness

DGGBA stands for dave gulbis gives bad advice. Since I am dave gulbis, I probably should have called it i give bad advice, but i think DGGBA has a certain ring to it.

I'm not going to be home on Friday, so guess what?

TWOFER THURSDAY

Dear DGGBA,
how do I get one of my questions on your advise blog?
with love
wondering wizard
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Dear wondering wizard,
There you have it.
heart - dave

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Dearest DGGBA (aka DDGGBA aka dungeons and dragons gamers get blowjobs always)
Why is life such a ginormous paradox?
and
Why can't i grow much chest hair yet my happy trail grew back within weeks of it being shaved off for surgery?
and one follow up...
why my appendix?
yeah
-c.r.a.p.
(connor's ruptured appendix penguins!!!!)
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Dear c.r.a.p.,
I get approached by a lot of homeless people for some reason, and they always love chatting with me about their paranoid weirdness. One guy asked me if I thought Jesus touched children like priests do, while another guy asked me how to get the surveillance wires out of his balls (NOT JOKING). I'm going to tell you what I always tell them:
um. i don't know dude, life's weird. Do you want a cigarette?
heart - dave

I guess maybe technically this'll be a THREEFER THURSDAY since Mark asked me this:

Ahahahaha, will this be a weekly advice column? It should be.

I don't know what Ahahahaha means but hopefully it's some kind of foreign compliment (in daveland it now means "hot damn you sexy dinger! good advice!"). I'm either going to do this every weeknight that i'm home and bored (so, every weeknight) or as the questions inevitably slow, every time i get a question. So, keep those questions coming, sorry if it's taking me awhile to answer them but believe it or not there are actually kind of a lot. Thanks again.

heart (again) - dave