DGGBA stands for dave gulbis gives bad advice. it also stands for "dave gulbis giggling? boy-oh-boy, adorable!"
Dear Dave,
What should I get my dad for Christmas?
Kisses,
Mikey
******************
Dear Mikey,
They say it's the thought that counts, but let's face it - come Christmas time, it's the "bought" that counts! (I CAME UP WITH THAT MYSELF!) Meaning, money counts, and your dad will be counting on you to bring him some Christmas cheer. So whatever bacon you bring home, it better be damned expensive, and teeming with gold-streaked fat. Clearly the mall is a good place to start - I'd recommend heading to Macy's, but before you go, check out this website for a free $500 dollar gift card [there used to be a link to a funny picture here, but for whatever reason it stopped working, so just imagine a funny picture]. When you get there, don't be intimidated by the high-pressure salespeople - you're there to spend money, and none of those fuckers can do ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I'm not entirely sure what Macy's sells, but see if that giant inflatable Snoopy is around, that's likely a high ticket item. If all else fails, get creative - even old standards can be combined for a more expensive and thus more heartfelt present. Buy a pricey tie and soak it with over-priced cologne. Get a flat-screen TV and throw a monogrammed Taylormade driver through it. But whatever you do, make sure it's totally useless and cost way too damn much.
If times are tight this year and you can't afford to splurge on the ones you love, then it doesn't really matter what you get him for Christmas since he'll probably disappointed in you anyways. Fuckin' get him ketchup packets, I don't care, and neither will he. Thanks for your letter and happy holidays!
heart - dave
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